OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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