he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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