Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
