Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
