All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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