I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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