so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i think i just lost a toe
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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