gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
third nipple confirmed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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