You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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