I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
