Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
