we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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