Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
