My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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