i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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