A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
