i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
