Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
