thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
