My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
