have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
