so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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