carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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