Are we in a gay sports bar?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
