Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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