you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
