Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
