In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
