She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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