im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
