You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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