i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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