why didn't you poke me back
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
