God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
These tits shall not be calmed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
