She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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