We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
