New invention idea: vibrating tampons
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
