Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
