with your own penis?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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