I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
