Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
