I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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