I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
