He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
