y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
