please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
