She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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