I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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