So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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