I can't breathe out the right side of my face
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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