its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
