OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
