you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
