why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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